just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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