shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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