It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
