READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
