I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
