i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
