I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
