how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
