Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
