We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
