dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
