did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
