talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
