I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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