I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
