her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There are leaves in my underwear?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
