i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
