literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
