By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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