i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
