the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize