I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like, not good at living.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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