thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
