I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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