she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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