I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
