How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize