this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
