And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
home. puking in laundry basket.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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