high people should be assigned attendants
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
