Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
