im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
