Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We had to coat check the pizza.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
