i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
