Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
