Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
did i just pee glitter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
