Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
