Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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