I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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