we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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