So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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