it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
