Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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