meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
