y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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