i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
