so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
