if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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