I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize