it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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