brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
