Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
