My friends, they love my intelligence
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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