in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
be right there i have to get my cape
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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