So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
