Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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