and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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