why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
