i just had sex bonerless
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
