Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
