its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize