maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
