I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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