ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
