I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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