You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
