Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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