hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
