I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
