just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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