he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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