It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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