based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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