dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
