I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
