They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
