I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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