dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
