I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Couch. On fire.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
