So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
