Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize