great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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