Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
