Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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