We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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