Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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