apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
