Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
