I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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