Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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