i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
