Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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