the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
