Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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