Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
