Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
