i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
