i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
