I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize