I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
