Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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