i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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