this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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