my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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